Switched
by MockingCody
Summary: Hints of Swan Queen - MAJOR CRACK - Oneshot- Emma and Regina switch bodies due to an unknown cause.


**Enjoy this crack-shot drabble thing, I know I enjoyed writing it. NOTE: This is not meant to be taken serious as this is total CRACK! So yeah...**

* * *

Emma Swan sighs feeling content as she lays in the warm covers of her cloud of a bed. She moans as she rolls around in the silk covers, the sunshine pouring in through the window. She is about to fall back asleep when it hits her, how was sun hitting her face when the windows of her room didn't reflect the light onto the bed?

With this revelation Emma sits up with a jolt and analyzes the room like some wannabe Sherlock Holmes. The room was black and white like a convention of penguins, and it was very upper class, something she was not used to, as she was used to being in more middle-class type establishments.

Knowing that black and white are the colors associated with Regina's belongings, she immediately thought that the two women had finally given in to their feelings and got jiggy with it. Emma climbs off the big bed and sprints into the adjoining bathroom off to the right, expecting to see the regal mayor in all her sexual glory.

She frowns with disappointment that Regina was not present. Leaning against the bathroom counter, she turns the lights on, frustrated and confused, she turns to the mirror and screams.

* * *

Regina Mills automatically knew something was very wrong, lying in this itchy and small bed, was enough to make the queen that cringe. She was in a peasant's bed, something she was not accommodated to, sitting up with a frown when some locks of long blonde hair falls down her shoulders, her eyes widen. She jumps off the bed and bolts into the adjoining bathroom, flicking the light switch with more force than needed.

She gasps when she sees her- no Emma Swan's reflection in the mirror. Reaching up, she runs Emma's hands through the hair, it felt strange, seeing how she hasn't had long hair in years. She then proceeds to run her hands over her new clothed body, a small smirk appearing on her face. "Well, Ms. Swan you're goodies do look rather nice in the morning." She says in Emma's voice with a sultry tone.

Shaking her head of these lustful thoughts, she walks back into the bedroom.

* * *

Emma stops screaming long enough to run Regina's hands through the short hair she now had. She was in Regina's body, she was in the Evil Queen's body, she was in the MAYOR'S BODY! Emma allows her mind to wander on how this could have possibly happened, but that's when her eyes wander down to the attire she was wearing.

Apparently Regina liked to sleep in sexy black lingerie. Emma moves her hands down the sides of Regina's body with an awed expression. She grabs her new pair of breasts and pushes them up curiously, and forms her lips into a 'duckface'. "Damn girl, you're looking sexy." Emma begins talking to herself.

"Oh, I didn't know there would be cameras here. I swear I'm not a model." She says while flicking her new hair.

"I'm the queen, bow to me peasants."

"You wish you were as perfect as me, peasant."

"I'm the damn queen."

"I'm THE queen."

"I'm the evil queen, want a taste of my poison apple?"

"I swear it won't kill you, it just make you sleepy."

"I'm Regina, the queen, this is my town."

"Sex."

"Hot dirty sex."

She continues saying different words in Regina's voice with an amused grin.

"Hi I'm Regina, and I like it up the butt."

"Anal beads."

"He's MY son." After saying Regina's usual catchphrase, Emma finally places Henry in her thoughts, and goes about to get ready to find a solution to this new problem.

* * *

After a few minutes of getting dressed, something that Regina rather enjoyed. She finds herself in the kitchen of the Charming household, and right next to her mortal enemy Snow White or Mary Margaret Blanchard.

And of course everything just had to get stranger, Snow began singing to a bunch of birds on the windowsill. "_Good morning, dear birdies, how are you today?" _

Regina backs up against the wall as the birds begin to sing back to her in tweets.

"_Well that is just wonderfulllllllll! I HAD A DREAM LAST NIGHT ABOUT A RABBIT NAMED BUGS! THIS RABBIT TRIED TO BEAT A TURTLE IN A RACEEEEE!" _Snow sang as she begins to wipe down the kitchen, a bunch of squirrels scampering into the room, using their tails as dusters.

"What the hell?..." Regina says, clearly horrified, her back was pressing against the wall firmly.

Snow turns to her daughter with a smile, _"Good morning, my daughter, how are you today?! I'm asking you this while I am singingggggggggg!"_

Regina watches as Snow begins to twirl around the center of the room, the squirrels doing the same, the birds flying around her twirling form. A baby deer trots up to her and nudges a broom towards Regina as if asking her to join in.

Picking up the broom, Regina calmly walks in between the twister of animals and the singing princess, and raises the broom up in the air. With reflexes of a brilliant queen she uses the broom to smack a baby bird out of the air, causing it's lifeless body to hit Snow in the face.

Snow watches it crumble to the floor and falls to her hands and knees and begins to weep. Regina gasps and jumps back as Snow then begins to sing in a heavy-metal Skrillex-type screaming voice about death and hate.

"SNAP OUT OF IT, WOMAN! WHERE IS HENRY?" Regina shouts at the scream-singing woman who was beginning to do some weird dance move on the floor, the squirrels joining in.

Luckily for Regina, David walks into the room soon after and she rushes over to him. "David where is-"

"Snow? SNOW WHERE ARE YOU?" He calls out, as he pushes past Regina, and begins frantically looking for her.

To say Regina was confused, was an understatement, as she watches the two idiots completely ignore each other. David turns towards Regina and runs up to her, "EMMA, WHERE IS SNOW? WHERE IS SHE?"

"She's right there you dumb-" She begins before getting cut off again.

"SNOW! I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE, BUT I'LL FIND YOU... I'll always find you." He says the last part more quietly than needed, which makes Regina roll her eyes.

She watches as David leaves the house, calling for Snow, and then she turns to Snow who was huddled in the corner now singing a country song, while the squirrels square-danced.

"My god, how does Emma live with you people?"

* * *

Emma Swan in Regina's body, struts into Granny's with a happy smile on her face. She was going to tell people what she could never tell them in her normal body. She spots Ruby making coffee behind the counter, for a smiling Dr. Whale. and she immediately walks up to the two of them.

Ruby turns and gives her an annoyed look, "What do you want Regina?"

Emma smiles, "I want you to go screw Dr. Whale already, because the sexual frustration leaking off of the two of you is bothering all your customers."

Whale chokes on the water he was drinking, and Ruby flushes with embarrassment, and points a glare towards Regina, "That's none of your business."

Emma's smile brightens, "No, but I'll make it my business." She then snaps her fingers, causing a purple cloud to engulf both Ruby and Whale. When the smoke clears, the two of them are getting to second base, and Ruby is pulling him into the kitchen.

With a triumph smirk Emma turns to go, only to see a pissed off Granny. She quickly snaps her fingers and Granny, with crossbow in hand salutes her, "What must I do, General Mills?"

"Guard that kitchen door, don't let those two come out until you're a great-grandmother." She tells Granny. Granny salutes again and marches over to the door and sits in front of it, crossbow in hand.

* * *

Regina was walking quickly down the road, holding Henry's hand tightly. She wanted to get to her home before Emma woke up, so they can figure out how to change back.

"Mom, where are we going? What's wrong?" Henry asks her nervously.

"I'm getting you the hell out of that house. How can you stay in there with those two?" Regina shuddered at the thought of having to stay another second with forever-singing Snow, and Dementia David.

"They're not usually like that though. You should know that!"

Regina ignores him and keeps walking, but stops when she sees herself- or Emma walking their way, and she did not like the smirk that was on her face.

"Oh my god. What did you do?" Regina asks still holding Henry tightly.

"Well I-"

"WAIT SNOW!" The three of them turn towards the sound of David's voice as he runs after a screaming Belle. "SNOW WAIT! I FINALLY FOUND YOU, I KNEW YOU WOULD BE IN THE LIBRARY. STOP RUNNING, AND LET ME LOVE YOU!"

Regina grabs Emma's shoulder and tells her to listen, "Did you do that- all of this?" She asks her.

"No! All I did was hook up Ruby and Whale together!" Emma replies in defense.

Henry shakes his hand free and looks between his two moms in confusion, "You guys... are each other?"

They stop their eye-sex long enough to turn to Henry and nod, but before Henry can say anything a cloud of magic-smoke appears and Cora pops out and yells, "YOU ALL JUST GOT CORA'D!"

**Fin**

* * *

**To be honest, I don't even know what to say now. Hope you enjoyed all the crack!**


End file.
